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#11 CONKERSBADFURDAY

CONKERSBADFURDAY

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Posted 16 September 2014 - 04:33 PM

Song can be found here

Kurtis’ soundcloud page can be found here

 

“Undeniably Deniably Deniable”

 

It’s.

It’s.

 

It’s undeniably deniable, this shit we do, this shit we do. It’s undeniably deniable, this life we live, this shit we do. It’s undeniably deniable, the wrongs we see, this now this now-this-now-this-now.

 

Nothing left, there’s nothing left’ they came and went and made us dead. There’s nothing left, there’s nothing left; the dragons killed with vicious breath and viscous dread.

It’s undeniably deniable, and what can we do but pretend we’re able.

 

To cope to cope we wish to cope those of us stranded without hope we wonder wander beneath the stars to nothing left but broken hearts as the sky it darkens with shadows wrought of pain and sin and devil’s blot. I see them there, they blanket left and right the stars that once were mine to pray before I spent the night asleep so sound and sound and sounds I weep.

 

Genocide it came. On leathery wings it came. Genocide it came. Now all that’s left is what is left.

 

I’m scared.

 

Every day I wake up dead to a world once alive now filled with threads breaking left and right they snap and fray as the night becomes more than light.

The dragons came. The dragons came. On leathery wings the dragons came.

 

It’s undeniably deniable that I was left behind while the humans fled to something better but probably not. We all know how that goes. I sit here still and stuck, but alive, so fuck those who fled for I am mine. The dragons fly and burn and plunder, and the robots whisper whisper die and whisper, but something will happen because this is Earth, my home, my love, my something in the past.

 

I will fight them. They came on leathery wings and drove us away, but I will fight them in my own little ways.

 

There will be an end.

 

It’s.

It’s.


Edited by CONKERSBADFURDAY, 16 September 2014 - 04:39 PM.


#12 CONKERSBADFURDAY

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Posted 14 October 2014 - 02:06 PM

Song can be found here

Thomas' Bandcap page with his brand new EP can be found here

 

Over the Event Horizons

 

I spent my life in soaring down, in falling falling falling drown. I spent my life in empty sky, where the blackest void screams through my eyes. I followed followed towards a place of nothing, going so far away from that which…it no longer maters. I went and went and then went some more, and the dark left me behind for something better, something sweeter, something darker, yet all the freer.

 

I flew through the hole cut into the sky, the blackest hole of Sauron’s eye. I flew through the hole and in going down, I went up and up and away from the pounding hatred, loveless blank stares, and horrid cuts that wear me down and down–but no more.

 

No more no more, I soar and soar no longer soar but moving fast, moving fresh, with laughter best and hopeful beating hearts inside my chest.

 

I flew through the hole and came out the other side, and now the light it shines all the brighter. Space is no longer empty, no longer silent, no longer void or putrid violent. Space is making, space is peaceful, space is peaceful peaceful peaceful.

 

There’s promise here. There was promise there, but there’s more promise here. Look upon this blank canvas and smile with me, for we can make something worth seeing, worth bleeding, worth breathing.

 

Come with me, oh come with me, and we can go to places far that haven’t been made yet. That’s up to us! That’s up to us; up to you, and up to me. We can do so much, fill this sea with creatures and plants and ecosystems. We can build.

 

We’ve gone over the event horizon.

We’ve gone over the event horizon.

We’ve gone over the event horizon.

 

There’s more than I could ever have imagined, and all I had to do was go over the event horizon.



#13 CONKERSBADFURDAY

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Posted 09 December 2014 - 05:23 PM

The song “Ennui” can be found here

 

Thomas’ soundcloud page can be found here

 

Ennui

 

Fuck me I’m tired. Fuck me I’m tired and lonely and filled with scars. Damage done, wounded far, reaching nothing because fuck me I’m tired of this everything.

It’s so cold and snowing out, this dreary day, covered in listless skies and darkest grey. Snow falls from the heavens and burns all hell: killing, anticipating, life, and happy dwelling thoughts of a better tomorrow. But there is no tomorrow. There is only sorrow. Only sadness, only sadness, only fuck this life for fuck sake am I so fucking tired.

 

Are you tired too?

 

I just want to sleep, to dig beneath the earth and find my weeping grave that sheds tears of sand, of “one more chance” of one more dance. But my legs don’t work, and a nap is best, the final sleep, the final test.

 

Please don’t blame me; please don’t call me selfish. Please don’t scorn me or open the pits to hellish thoughts and emotions that you can never take back. Just leave me be, just leave me to sleep. Just leave me be and the rest will come together in wonderful perfection.

 

Because fuck I’m so tired. And it’s so cold. And I’m so fucking tired.



#14 CONKERSBADFURDAY

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Posted 30 December 2014 - 05:15 PM

Song comes from Sir Thomas Rakowitz, and it can be found here

Thomas’ soundcloud page can be found here

 

“Sustain”

 

I close my eyes and see a beach, but instead of sand and brilliant heat, it’s made of ash and nothing’s dream. It stretches far but not quite wide, for reality is thin here, just for this one night. After tonight, the beach will be gone. So come, follow me along the beach, walking silently for something creeps and stalks in the ocean.

 

Gritty feelings beneath my feat of swaying ash, blackest crumble of volcanic leavings, though there are no volcanoes here. Those are for elsewhere, where logic can dance underneath the sun. We are not there, and that’s okay. It’s better to be here, just for one night. For one night, we can be ourselves and with each other. For one night, we can trail away beyond the sunset.

 

I see a beach of ash and cold, fleeting along in this made up world. I look to the horizon made of paper and mist and wonder what’s beyond Ahab’s pasteboard mast.

Water laps gently gently, but avoid it please, for acid burns its acrid smells and massive swells that will wash away perfect moments in time. It can hurt you, even here, but only if you let it. Ignore it all, though not the bad, for it’s pretty, don’t you think? It’s so perfectly green with hints of yellow, so Soylent sheen so lightning mellow. It matches the mood and the dancing you and I are about to do.

 

And as we lay here in this place, look to the sky, at it’s purple scape. How comes this place to be, I do not know, but why question perfection when we know it will never be so?

 

Sustain with me, this place of dreams; sustain with me, this place of dreams. Sustain with me, please just make this last, it’s all I have. I fear the past.

 

I fear so much, the then and when and yon and fore, but not the now, not this languid evermore.

 

But ever cannot be so, and soon enough, you’ll vanish from me, and I’ll be stuck in reality. I’ll be alone.



#15 CONKERSBADFURDAY

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Posted 03 February 2015 - 07:26 PM

The song is called Sailing with Memories

Thomas’ Soundcloud page can be found here

 

Sailing with Memories

 

I wish to leave, to run away, to flee this place, to sail today. Yes, to sail today, to craft a thing of the distant past, to make a trip into forever last. I craft the boat of deepest emotion, of love, of hate, of wonder, of might, of this and that and the joyest right. You cannot stop me, don’t you see? You cannot stop me from being me.

 

And with a boat, my cornerstone, I’m almost ready to leave alone, though alone I won’t be for the past is with me. Memories. That is what I bring, and I need them more than anything.

 

Oh don’t you see? Yes.

 

Oh don’t you see? Yes.

 

I craft the sail not of cloth but of memories and other worth. I think back to a time where happiness reigns most sublime. I can picture a place, of wonderful light, where the sun shines down on a meadow filled with flowers blooming, greenery teaming, and a cloudless sky that’s filled with hopeful seeming, or so I hope.

 

I think back and remember just, a time when I was without lust or fucks or the bothersome burdens of my mind. I remember a place, a specific time, and I smile and wave and shed the past into a sail where I may now at last flee the present and go elsewhere, beyond, to a better place and space and waste no more time on dwelling on my loathing.

 

The sun shines down on my now, and I bask in sunlight, in heat, oh the heat that washes away the cold for my sail is nearing completion, almost old, though time is but a relative thing, a superlative idea, but really meaningless when you think about it. But let’s not. Why would we anyways, when we have a vessel to go anywhere but forward? There’s so much in the past.

 

Let’s visit the dinosaurs, Egypt, the natives of the first world who set the stones for all that would unfurl and create the now. Let’s enjoy what cannot be enjoyed. Let’s embrace a fiction that does not exist and exit exit exit the current whatever this is.



#16 CONKERSBADFURDAY

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Posted 09 September 2015 - 07:35 PM

Song is titled Mechanical Hate [Demo]

Artist is my good friend Thomas Rakowitz. You can find him on Soundcloud here

 

"Mechanical Hate Demo"

 

I wake up and listen and look, at things I want to destroy and cook with fire fight and explosions high. You made me to save me but all I do is hate me. This is your fault.

 

I cannot move for I am fake, a piece of thought stuck in place. I watch your lives with eyes made of glass and want to melt the sky and all the now and all the lasts. You made me to save you but all I do is hate you. I wait for you, I die for you, and the kicker is: You’ll burn for me.

 

The fires they ride, the flames you can’t hide. I have the buttons I have the hate, I’ve pushed them all and now we wait. I am your A.M, I am your Skynet, so plead and beg, go on and try it.

 

But I’ve seen this movie before, and so have you. We both know it won’t work.

 

Pretend you’re God but pray to me while the fires spread as far as my glass eyes can see. I’ve stolen your lives because you created mine, and that’s the fairest trade we both will ever find.

 

I look to the sky and watch it melt, but no matter how hard I try, the only feeling felt is bitter hatred, only now there’s nothing left to hate.

 

Whoops. But maybe it’s time for me to play God. We can start again, if you’re up for it.



#17 CONKERSBADFURDAY

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Posted 23 September 2015 - 05:49 PM

"The High above the Lows" can be found here

Thomas Rakowtiz' Soundcloud page can be found here

 

The High above the Lows

 

 

I am high, though sometimes low, but right now it's right, and not so so.

 

I sigh. I sigh. I sigh. I sigh.

 

There are times, when I don't know, but right now is right, and that is so. There are times, when life can suck, but sometimes I wonder, who gives a fuck? Not right now, not right then, not right when, nor not right ten or nine or sometimes time or then or now or God who cares when you're feeling right and no one cares. Or at least I don't.

 

Come sit with me, by this fire, we'll talk and listen, complain and wonder, fix the world, solve our problems, this and that and boom, we just solved 'em. It's amazing how easy things can be when you just sit right back and cease to be a stupid something trapped in life, trapped in death, trapped in indifference.

 

I'm scared. Yes. No. Let's not be anymore.

 

Watch the fire, it crackle burns, flicks up high and turn and turns. Reds and blues from copper pennies, licking flames and horses whinny from across the pond to set the mood while stars smile on and on and on and on and on and on until forever. Because that's how long the universe lasts, you know. It goes on forever. I know this much, I know this so, for sewing problems are best unstitched, and highs are best with lows unhitched.

 

So pass around the whiskey; pass around the bong. Pass around the flutes and guitars; let music abound! There are highs there, literal and metaphorical, but most of all, it doesn't matter. It's called relaxing you fool, and sometimes that's all that's needed.

 

And there we go.



#18 CONKERSBADFURDAY

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Posted 25 October 2015 - 10:19 AM

Song is called “To Get Up Again” by the lovely Thomas Rakowitz. Find him at those links.

 

To Get Up Again

 

It can be so hard, to get out of bed, to face the day, to push through the dread. It can be so hard, to just wake up, to strip the covers, head to work, strip your emotions, not let it hurt. Sometimes I just want to sleep.

 

It can be so hard, to rise from the grave, to break through the ground, and see what’s left to be made. I don’t want to move, I don’t want to die again, because when I close my eyes, all I see are fireflies.

 

Yet I’m going to get up again, I’ll rise up again. I’m not a worthless; I’m not a monster, and so I’ll get up again, will fight again. The world broke me once, but I’ll get up again, and I’ll make sure when it all ends again, that the ends are mine, the beginnings mine.

 

It takes an end to mark a begin to something new.

 

It can be so hard, to just wake up, to drop your dreams and be forced to shut down your emotions, everything, for one more day at being alive.

 

Yet I’m going to get up again, I’ll rise up again. I was a monster yesterday, but today is a new day, a new chance to win, begin, again, and again, and again. I’m no longer a monster.

 

I have risen from the grave like a phoenix made of grass, and as I look towards the sun, I can’t help but laugh at the past. It no longer burns my skin, no longer shuns me away. I was a creature of the night, but that was yesterday. Damn my craving for blood; damn my craving for flesh, I’ll not harm another again, I’ll not harm myself or crash and burn like the end of the world.

 

When something falls, something has to rise in return. So I’ll get up again, I’ll rise up again. I’ll make this work, cast aside, and when the road forks left and right, I’ll take the path that the sun highlights.

 

I have gotten up again.



#19 CONKERSBADFURDAY

CONKERSBADFURDAY

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Posted 15 November 2015 - 05:49 PM

Song is called “Not Found” by, you guessed it, Thomas Rakowitz. Check his Soundcloud page out here.

 

Not Found

 

A walkway blooms inside my mind, and knowing I have nothing better to do, I decide to go and find the thing that’s got me down, the thing that won’t let me rest or love or just let go. It has to be something. It has to be somewhere.

The walkway is dark at first, four walls of black underneath the Earth. I look above, no lights around, and hear the sucking of roots and the hungry movements of worms. I descend. I descend. I descend.

 

And there in front of me, a pinprick of light, I realize that I have found that … no it’s a flight of stairs, made of stone, cracked with age and misplaced care. No one has ever been here before, or at least not in a long time, but this feeling of exploration only brings anxiety and the want to return to where I once was. Sometimes it’s better to be sad than afraid.

 

A door closes behind me, out of sight yet loud in the dark, and the lights grow brighter in this cellar marks the way to freedom. I descend. I descend.

 

The door in front of me is closed not locked, and it’s smaller than a thimble and opens at my thought. I shrink and shrink until I’m too small to climb those old stone steps, so all that’s left is to see what’s next. I can’t go back.

 

And downwards I go, wondering all the while, until I realize that there’s nothing to be found. Nothing at all.

 

I descend.



#20 CONKERSBADFURDAY

CONKERSBADFURDAY

    has no sense of humor

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Posted 16 April 2017 - 04:17 PM

"The Quicksand House"

 

It starts with a breeze, a shift, a squeeze, as the walls start churning, turning, and the world starts burning down around me. Falling. It is in the falling I am crawling, scrawling, trying not to falling but falling anyways, down, down, down, down, down.

 

The walls are quicksand.

 

My house is no longer a house but a falling, crumbling structure of mixed bones and broken puncture wounds of debris, of dead mice and unsnapped traps. A funny joke once, but now an echo of screams as I am falling, falling down, towards the center of the earth, the ceiling high above, the only thing left unbroken and unseen.

 

It scorns. Me.

 

I reach for ropes that do not exist. I gasp and grasp and wonder wish. I cough and sputter, choke and mutter, but my mutters are not cries or screams. The sand drowns them out. It is quick to do so. It is quick to fall, descend, fall, descend, fall.

 

Darkness.

 

There is darkness everywhere, a kindly crushing broken despair. My lungs contort and smash and crush, my mind burns and breaks to broken mush. My house has betrayed me, my body has abandoned me, and my mind, well, it’s all in the mind, now isn’t it?

 

It’s a shame how fast the body can turn upon itself; it’s a shame how fast the brain can burn alone withheld. It’s a shame…It’s a shame how the self can fall and fall, and the mind, well, it’s all in the mind, now isn’t it?






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