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#16528167 Official CS Mario Kart 8 Tournament Thread

Posted by G-tech on 26 July 2017 - 05:38 PM

Ah, the soothing relief one can only get with viewing graphs. Now I can once again make sense of the meaning of my life.


Thank you, torgo.

#16528121 The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Wii U / Switch) - Post-Release (MIND...

Posted by G-tech on 23 July 2017 - 03:32 PM

If you read my previous notes, you know my time with Breath of the Wild was filled with either great peril often brought upon by stuipidity or an untimely demise brought upon by... well, stuipidty. With such long lists cataloging my ignorance, I would not fault you for thinking that all I did was blow myself up, careen down rocky mountians, and drown in bogs. So it may come as a surpise that not every moment was an exercise in abject failure. Yes, there were moments of greatness-- albeit quite rare. Don't believe me? Then why don't you look at the list below and see for yourself:
⦁ For once I succeeded in accomplishing something I wanted to do, and an unexpected flourish to top it all off. I saw a pair of blue bokoblins in a patch of grass down the road, so I went retraced my steps to retrieve an explosive barrel. I headed back in the direction of the bokoblins, and as I crept ever so closer I noticed a small cliff to the right of the aforementioned road. A rare moment of common sense came over me: maybe I should scout ahead and see where I should attack. As opposed to alerting them of my presense with a large, red explosive target over my shoulder. So, I place the barrel down next to the cliff and moved onward. As with most my attempts at stealth I was spotted immediately. In a panic I ran back towards the red barrel with one of the bokoblins giving chase. I hoisted the barrel over my, locked on to my pursuer, and hurled it right into its face. In a panic I rapidly pressed the jump button (you know, the B button) to backflip away from the explosion. Luckily some of the grass caught on fire creating a backdraft causing one my frantic mashing of the jump button presses to activate the paraglider sending me high in the air and away from the fiery depths that engulfed my adversary. Pretty cool. Now what to do about the other bokoblin?


⦁ It’s this isn’t something cool I did but it was funny nonetheless. I was in an enemy stronghold within the Bottomless Swamp when I heard a bokoblin, but I didn’t know where it was located. Suddenly I heard an arrow hit the ground next to me. I looked up to the right and saw the would-be-archer. Then I looked down and saw that the arrow it fired was a bomb arrow. Thankfully, it was raining at the time so the arrow’s fuse was extinguished, otherwise I would be stinking into the abyss that is my old nemesis: dirty water. Instead I used the opportunity to collect some free bomb arrows courtesy of Koblin Hood of the Bottomless Swamp.


⦁ An ice lizalfos approached me ready to attack, but its plan was foiled when it ran over the burning remains of its bokoblin ally. The lizalfos melted immediately.


⦁ While exploring around the outskirts of Death Mountain I saw two small birds that normally don’t appear in this region. As I approached them they flew away in a trail of smoke. I watched then until they exploded leaving nothing more than a roasted tree nut in their wake.


⦁ A moblin threw a bokoblin towards me from afar. Once the bokoblin landed it slide right next to me face down, feet first. Once it stood up the sneak strike prompt popped up so I did just that, ending the poor thing’s suffering.


The next anecdote is about the lynel mentioned in Death in the Wild. In my closing statement I said that the event that lead to my death would be mentioned in the next list, Derth of the Mind. Yeah, my mistake.


⦁ Set up camp to wait for Farosh, a blood moon occurs. I turn around to be greeted by a silver lynel that was apparently burning holes in the back of my head with its vengeful glare. /Pause game to make a note of what just happened. Resume Game./ We stared at one another for a minute then it roared… it has yet to attack… /Paused Game to make note of what just happened./ Just as I resumed the game it pulled out its bow… it is ready for vengeance.


⦁ After killing one of the snow octorocks I slid off the edge of a cliff and tumbled downward in a manner most comical. Why its this under “Cool Thing’s I’ve Done”? I landed right next to a small rock not too far from one of those korok rock formations. Lucky me. I just hope I don’t fall trying to get to it.


⦁ After leaving the Gerudo Highlands, I headed northwest to check-in on the newest resident of Terry Town. Satori Mountain was within route so I decided to pick up some mythical transportation. After immediately failing to mount Satori, I gave it another go and was rewarded with a new steed. We made our way down the mountain and continued our journey to Terry Town. Upon entering Central Hyrule we were greeted by several stalker guardians. With Satori’s great speed and infinite stamina, we dodged all their attacks with ease. Just northwest of the Sacred Ground Ruins there were five guardians (four stalkers, one decayed) aiming at us at once. All of a sudden Satori decided it wanted to take break. I don’t know why it stopped, there was no obstacle to hinder its movement, yet there we stood in the middle of the road with the guaridans fast appoaching. After I frantically yanked its mane for what felt like eternity, Satori realized that this was not the best time to take its PTO. He finally started to move, but it didn’t take off as one would expect. No, it just moved at a very slow pace as if our lives aren’t in danger. Oh wait, Satori is immortal, so its in no rush. I, however, am very much a murderable being. Before I had time to relay this information to my “nobel” steed a guardian shot me right off its back. There I laid on the ground, burning from the searing beam to the chest, as I watched Satori, the “noble creature,” fade away to the safety of its mountain. Some how I managed to stand up and run. I was able to shake off two of the guardians (considering one was immobile not sure if that’s something to brag about), the remaining three I could not, so I stood my ground and prepared to fight. Fortunately, one of the guardians was positioned right behind another, so when in attempted to shoot me it shot the guardian in front of it, making the bout more manageable. Once one fell to friendly fire. I decided to take advantage of the trigger happy guardian by setting its sight on its other ally. It worked! With Julius now on its side I hacked away at its limbs, immobilizing it. Being unable to move I made quick work of it and went head-on with Brutus. With an arrow to the eye and a few swings of a guardian ax the final guardian went down. There I stood victorious, all to no help from the sage Satori.


⦁ Parried the beam of a guardian back to it, blowing off its final leg.


⦁ “Beware, fool, of the eye of the Yiga Clan.” I think that’s what it said. Also, I understand that they want to encourage players to sneak their way through the hideout, but it's most odd that there’s no explanation for why neither Mipha’s Grace or faries activate upon death.


⦁ I failed to parry the laser blast from a decayed guardian setting the ground in front of me on fire and causing an updraft. I stood back on my feet and readied myself for next incoming shot. I once again failed to parry the attack as I swung the shield too late, the shield absorbed the beam as expected, however it did not break. Did the updraft that stood in front of me spared the shield from becoming metal shardes littered on the ground?
And that's all the cool moments that happend to me in Breath of the Wild. Tune in next time for...


Yeah, I know there was still a lot stupidity on my part in this list, I thought they were still, great, cool moments none the less.


I'm also aware that some of them were just situations that I observed, and I had nothing to do with them.


Come on, let me have just this one, please... Thank you.




As I was typing, tune in next time for the fall and rise of my trusty steed, Trusty!

#16528065 The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Wii U / Switch) - Post-Release (MIND...

Posted by G-tech on 17 July 2017 - 02:19 PM

As teased in my previous post, I have returned with more highlights--or should say lowlights,-- from my time playing Breath of the Wild. Yes, questionable decisions were made abound, often leading to severe consequences-- some of them were of the deadly variety. That's just the life a curious soul. One moment you're pondering to yourself, "I wonder what would happen if I did this?" Then suddenly you are careening towards a pool of lava. If you're still out there traveling the vast, dangerous lands of Hyrule please take moment to learn from my experience, it may prevent your curiosity from getting the best of you.


Anyway that's all for the dumb things I did in Breath of the Wild. Tune in next time as I will talk about all the dumb things I did in Breath of the Wild!

#16528045 The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Wii U / Switch) - Post-Release (MIND...

Posted by G-tech on 14 July 2017 - 02:43 PM

During my perilous adventure in Hyrule I was met with a terrible fate. Actually, it would be more accuate to say I was met with a litnay of terrible fates as it was no less than 29, yes, twenty-nine times that I met my maker. Being the apparent masochist I am [you learning something about yourself everyday], I kept notes of each time I was slain by Ganon's fersome minions... or my own stupidity [and sometimes the former was initaiated by the latter]. So please join me as I walk down the blood-soaked path of memory lane to relive and ultimately die through my darkest hours.


Note: Several months have passed since I last laid eyes on this list, so I don't remember the context for some of these situations. It also doesn't help that autocorrect really did a number on many of these entries making it even harder to parse out what the heck happen. I tried to reconstruct them to the best of my ability, so please understand.




*As hinted by entries 27 and 28, there are more cavalcade of misfortunes that I endured. These situations, however, did not lead to my death--27 and 28 withstanding--but probably should have considering the sheer stupidity that caused them. But those are stories to be shared another time.

#16527934 Screenshot Sharing Thread

Posted by G-tech on 03 July 2017 - 10:42 PM

My adventures in Hyrule have long since come to an end, but the journey can be relived through the screenshots I captured and shared on Miiverse. Ah, memories. But this post isn't about memories that were already shared, but to the ones that were not.

Yes, there are around two dozen screenshots that I dare not post on Miiverese for fear that it would be inappropriate for the innocent, good-natured kidson Nintendo's lil' social networking website. So I thought it be for the best share them here with you delinquents. With that said, let us look back on the hero, the legend, and overall creep of the land of Hyrule.

The catalyst for the imagery you are soon to bare eyes on was this post shared by Big'nBeard. I was quite amused that the game acknowledged whether players had Link clothed or not.

I didn't think of the image until my quest led me to Zora's Domain. Low on supplies I decided to stop by the local shop. It was there I ran into a Goron that was aghast that I was oblivous to the existense of Death Mountain. When I looked upon his face filled with bewilderment and shock, the memories of Beard's post suddenly came back to me; this was the perfect moment to strip. As I was trying to get the ideal camera angle for the shot I realized the text window could be placed over Link's crotch and buttock as if it was a black censor box. With a little more fine tuning the Hylian Streaker was born:
Hey, my eyes are up here, buddy!


The Hylain Streaker's genitals were the stuff of legends. It was always on the tip of the tongues amongst the people of Hyrule. They often gave it names such as:



Whenever the opportunity presented itself the Hylian Streaker would immediately remove all clothing and weapons with reckless abandon and to give his perceived audience the show that he believed, nay, knew they deserved.



It became an addiction that could not be stop. Even when discretion should have been practiced it was neglected, not unlike these poor children:


When such opportunities were not available, oh how the nudist of legend yearned to let his deku stick and seeds hang free in the gentle breeze. To hold his hands on his hip, stand tall and proud and present his tingleberries to the unassuming citizens of the land of Hyrule. It was during these times I was able to have some Miiverse-friendly fun. Well, not entirely. Although clothes were worn, here's one situation that might cross the Miiverse line:


As a bonus, here are a few images that are from the Fallen Hero timeline, also known as The Withering:


#16527921 Official CS Mario Kart 8 Tournament Thread

Posted by G-tech on 01 July 2017 - 07:12 PM

Plant was too busy being Plant, Robok was being the perfect millennial by being too distracted looking at his phone to fulfill his weekly villainous role, and J9 seemed to be too... distressed to do anything. Ah, family get-togethers. Ain't they great?

#16527800 The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Wii U / Switch) - Post-Release (MIND...

Posted by G-tech on 22 June 2017 - 05:40 PM

Wow, that was whole lot of everything I hate about YouTube in that video.

#16527288 Official CS Mario Kart 8 Tournament Thread

Posted by G-tech on 13 May 2017 - 04:32 AM

I approve of this new background because it doesn't burn my retinas!

#16527237 Who's that (not a) Pokémon?!

Posted by G-tech on 06 May 2017 - 12:57 PM

Is there a Days of Our Lives video game? We need to get J9 in here to answer this one, stat!

No, well, not that I'm aware of, but the voice actor of this iteration of the character did star in soap operas.

Prince of Persia main character. I don't think he's got a name? That him?


It s the Prince!
It s the Prince!
It s the Prince!

"Hey, the next time you want to win your daughter back, you could try giving her a pony. The apocalypse doesn't really cut it."

Congratulations, Teeter! Not only did you win this round you also won a complimentary magic carpet! Now enjoy your magic carpet victory lap.

#16526911 The YouTube/Video Thread (p.s. Other M is the shit)

Posted by G-tech on 10 April 2017 - 08:49 AM

I was contemplating doing this myself. I'm so glad I didn't do it.

#16526853 Official CS Mario Kart 8 Tournament Thread

Posted by G-tech on 04 April 2017 - 01:39 PM

I'm fine with holiday themed tournaments. The celebration of your Personal Savior's resurrection is coming up soon. Maybe you guys could do something with that.

#16526777 Screenshot Sharing Thread

Posted by G-tech on 28 March 2017 - 12:40 PM

Only torgo "The Man" torgoson could pull that off.

#16526563 The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Posted by G-tech on 12 March 2017 - 02:30 PM

torgo did something shocking! You won't believe what happens!


torgo did something Nintendo does not want you to see! The results are shocking!

Yeah, I feel better about this one.

#16526552 Who's that (not a) Pokémon?!

Posted by G-tech on 12 March 2017 - 07:45 AM

Where'd everyone go? Zelda?

#16526404 Who's that (not a) Pokémon?!

Posted by G-tech on 27 February 2017 - 10:28 AM

Huh, I thought you were pointing out the answer specifically because of how long it was taking anyone to guess the answer, ergo the hint being a point ​(or a period in this case).


Oh well, I'm two for two on handing victory to an opponent, and I'm okay with that.